apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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