I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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