Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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