Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
