At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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