I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
