I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
