omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
