Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
