Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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