Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize