Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
