Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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