I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
