i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
