What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
