His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
