You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
