last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
