No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
