I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
