Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
