dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
