belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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