just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
