i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had to cum in my sink.
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