Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
