When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
