I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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