my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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