She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
