if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's the barista slut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
