you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
