I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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