im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Terrible idea I love it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
