The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
