the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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