don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
COCAINE IS GR8
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
