Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
