i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
