All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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