According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
