Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wanna go halves on a baby?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
