I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
