I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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