Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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