he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
