i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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