just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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