Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
