Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
