he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
