I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
