bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
