how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
