i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
