Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
