I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
