I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
