I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
