I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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