kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He has the fingertips of a God
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
