so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
