I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
