I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
