So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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