turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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