i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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